


All Up In The Stars

by jolychetta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Not Canon Compliant, Pining, Trans Character, everyone is queer and jkr can't do anything about it, i wanted sapphic wolfstar so i wrote it myself, non-binary Sirius, shameless self-inserts and self-indulgent writing, written not to spite jkr but it's a nice side effect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:40:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26236531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jolychetta/pseuds/jolychetta
Summary: Sirius didn't consider the fact that Rem would now be in their dorm, and they're having a lesbian panic about it. It's fine. Everything is fine. If they had developed a massive crush on one of their friends over the summer, then that is between them and their secret diary.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	All Up In The Stars

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't mean to write wolfstar fic because, well, jkr has become so awful i don't really engage with her work anymore, but then my brain produced the thought "what if wolfstar, but sapphics" so i felt compelled to write it. enjoy?

Sirius has a problem. The problem, specifically, is that Remus - Rem, as they called her now - was moving into their dorm. The Girls dorm, called the sapphics dorm since Sirius came out, included them, Lily, and the couple of Marlene and Dorcas. When they come back after summer break for their sixth year, a new bed is in their dorm, and it doesn’t take them too long to figure out who it’s for. Rem had come out to them at the end of the previous year, and Dumbledore must have arranged for her to join their dorm. Sirius thought gender-divided dorms were bullshit, but they got lucky with the people they share it with. It helps alleviate the dysphoria, and they’re sure it would do for Rem even more so. The problem is, they hadn’t thought about the fact that they would share a dorm with Rem now. Which hadn’t been a problem before, only, the two of them had talked a lot over summer break, on account of Sirius being the only other trans person Rem knows (and vice versa). And over the letters and the many visits, Sirius had fallen head over heels for their friend. It’s something in the new confidence in her face, the way she started holding herself, the excitement in her voice when she told them her parents would allow her to go on hormones once she’s old enough. She’s still the person Sirius had known before, but now she shines even brighter and is visibly more comfortable. Sirius knows a thing or two about this: After they’d come out to their friends and everyone had been nothing but supportive, they slowly shed some of their defensive behaviours and opened up more. And Rem was showing this, too. Her letters over the summer had been in typical her fashion: Smart, eloquent, succinct, peppered with dry jokes. When Sirius had visited her, they’d gone on long walks talking about everything and nothing - not all of it related to their gender identities, but a lot of it was. It had been nice, comfortable. James is a lovely friend and summer-time roommate, and the girls in the dorm are as well, but it makes a difference talking to someone who understands what it was like. But it’s not only this that plays a part in Sirius’s newfound feelings for their friends. It’s also the kindness Rem shows to everyone and everything, it’s the calm aura she has that always calms Sirius down, it’s the understanding she shows for Sirius’s complex emotional world. It’s all this, and the fact that she is very, very pretty. She always had been inexplicably attractive to Sirius, but it makes a lot more sense now. Sirius knows they have created a bond over the past weeks that has made them closer than they had ever been with anyone else, save perhaps Regulus when they had been younger.  
“Sirius? Hey, Pads, you listening?” James says from the other sofa in the common room, which he is nestled into with Lily and Peter.  
“Huh?”  
“I’m hungry, you wanna steal some food from the kitchens?”  
“No need to even ask, Prongs.”  
“Good laddie.” This earns James a pillow thrown at his head, which he deftly avoids as he gets up to retrieve his cloak of invisibility from his trunk.  
“You know, Rem, it’s devastating in that room now. I’m all alone with the jock and he still snores.”  
“You’ll get no pity from me, Pete. I earned my place in the nice dorm through years of dysphoria and depression.” Rem replies, not looking up from her book. Not even a day in, and she already has her nose stuck in a book. It’s endearing, if wildly unrelatable to Sirius. At the very least it doesn’t appear to be class-related and looks instead suspiciously much like a Muggle book to Sirius.  
They poke her in the side. “Hey, what’re you reading, nerd?”  
“Lord of the Rings.” She sighs, and closes her book. “But it’s impossible to focus with you pests around.”  
“You love us.” Sirius grins.

The snack run goes well, despite the four friends only barely fitting under the cloak anymore. James had another growth spurt over the summer while Sirius and Peter remain short as ever. But they manage, and not much later they’re gathered in front of the fireplace in the common room with the girls. They had grabbed as many snacks as their arms could carry (which was a lot) and to everyone’s surprise, Lily produced a bottle of champagne she had nicked from her parents. Apart from them, only a couple of fourth and fifth years are lounging in the common room. The usually loud and busy common room is quiet, and a comfortable atmosphere settles. Maybe it’s the champagne or the fire, but Sirius feels warm deep to their bones, and a deep appreciation for this group of misfits they call friends. They may have been unlucky with their biological family, but they had been all the luckier with their found family. Only when they see Regulus they still feel a faint pang of regret, missing their little brother even after he had cut all contact with them. Sometimes he sneers at them in the hallways, especially when he’s around his friends, but sometimes Sirius thinks they catch a glimpse of sadness in his face.  
“Oh, R, but is the dorm still a sapphics dorm? We can rename it if...like, if you’re not into girls.” Dorcas suddenly pipes up and pulls Sirius out of their thoughts and cozy position lying in James’s lap.  
Rem chuckles. “Don’t worry, Dorcas, I like girls just as much as any sensible person.”  
“We should really come up with a better name, though.” Marlene muses. “Not that it’s bad, but I feel like we should be more...badass. Or, something specific to us, you know?”  
“Right. Like, you four have the Marauders!” Lily points at James, Sirius, Rem, and Peter. “We should have something like that!”  
“Actually,” Rem interjects hesitantly, “As fun as that sounds...I was wondering if, maybe...if you guys could help me with another naming. Name. I mean. It’s just, well, it’s...I like my name, but I want...it’s very male. I’d like to change it, properly, like…” She peters off, fidgeting with her hands. She seems nervous, Sirius noted, and wonders how long she had waited to ask this. She doesn’t have to be, though, as her suggestion is immediately met with nods of agreement and reassurances.  
She smiles. “It’s just for suggestions. I’m...you all know I’m not the best at being nice about myself and...I feel like, maybe, you can help me find something that...comes from something good. Not self-deprecation.”  
“I’m so proud of you, Moony.” James is looking misty-eyed, as he’s prone to when he has alcohol. Despite his tough exterior, he’s the sappiest of their group.  
“Alright, Prongs, don’t get sappy on me.” Rem replies, but a blush creeps up her face, and Sirius knows how much that simple sentence means to her, and how much they all know James means it.  
“Yeah, Prongs, don’t you start mooning over a new girl now that Lily’s finally taken pity on you!” James shoves Sirius off his lap for this comment.  
“At least I don’t moon over every single woman I meet. How’s your crush on McGonagall going?”  
“I’ll have you know our relationship is going very well,” Sirius sniffs indignantly. “Small brains like yours just can’t comprehend this kind of love that transcends the measly boundaries of our flesh prisons.”  
“At least I had a chance with my crush. You’re just gonna have to dream of sweet Minerva forever.”  
Sirius wonders, quietly, if their real crush was just as unattainable as their fake one. In terms of their ability to communicate their feelings, Rem might as well be the moon, that’s how unreachable she seemed to them.  
“You’ll see, Potter, you’ll see.” They retort instead, and try to ignore the anxious feeling in their stomach that has formed at the thought that Rem might not like them back the way they like her. They push it aside for the moment, but later that night they lie awake in their bed obsessing over the thought.

A week passes, and life at Hogwarts gets back into full swing. James drills them mercilessly for Quidditch and between that and their sixth year classes, they barely have enough time to check on their secret passages and hideouts. They manage, but spend the week more sleep deprived than ever. Despite all of this, though, Sirius spends every free moment thinking about Rem, under the pretense of helping her find a name. They spend more hours in the library than they ever had before, much to the surprise of everyone, most of all McGonagall. Even James keeps shooting them worried looks, concerned with this new development, but they don’t tell anyone what they’re doing. It feels private, somehow, despite everyone knowing about Moony’s request. It feels like something they need to do alone, without James’s sappiness or Peter’s unasked-for input or even Lily’s wise yet snarky commentary. In a quiet corner of the library, cornered in by books about history, genealogy, and astronomy, they begin writing a list. The list turns into a letter which turns into a confession and they realise they can never show it to Rem, not unless they find a lot of courage very quickly. Sirius was courageous, just not when it concerns their feelings and romantic life, so the list remains tucked away in their pockets and books.  
As uneventful as the first week is, the weekend is all the more eventful. Apart from Moony and Lily, everyone immediately forgets about their school work as soon as the last class on Friday finishes. It happens to be Transfiguration, Sirius’s favourite because it was taught by McGonagall, but even the prospect of their favourite teacher can’t quell the growing impatience they feel as the clock moves ever so slowly forward. They’re thinking about naps, and mountains of food, and thinking about Moony in their quiet corner in the library, and Quidditch practice, and playing pranks on Snape.  
The excitement for the weekend is quickly killed for the group when they run into Snape in the hallway. He tries to talk to Lily, who indulges him until he asks her out only to be rejected for the upteenth time. This is almost tradition by now, but as much as their group had grown and changed over the summer, so had Snape, and not for the better. Words escape his mouth that Sirius knows all too well from their years at the Black household, and then everything descends into chaos. They vaguely notice James going at Snape fists out, while Sirius and Dorcas whip out their wands as Rem and Marlene are trying to restrain James, flinging angry words towards Snape. It’s Lily, however, who deals the final blow. Sirius doesn’t hear what she says, but they see the reaction on Snape’s face, a mix of hurt and disgust, and they gather that she’d told him a more sophisticated version of “fuck off”. After this incident, the weekend is declared a Lily-care weekend, and they set off to gather snacks, drinks, and the coziest blankets from all around Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. They bring James and Peter into their dorm room with a variety of tricks (from Sirius and Dorcas) and advanced charms (from Rem and Lily and Marlene), and so they settle into a quickly constructed pillow fort with hot chocolate, mountains of comfort food, and a lot of stories.  
“Thank you all. This means a lot.” Lily says as the evening is drawing to a close, lying comfortably on both James and Sirius.  
“We love you, Lils. Anything for you.” Sirius replies, and the rest of the group echoes the sentiment.  
“You deserve better. You’re a good friend, but he’s had his chance. I’m sorry...I’m sorry this happened. For what it’s worth, it was a really badass moment.” Rem adds. The two of them had always been friends, even when Lily still despised James and Sirius, having bonded over their shared interests and exhaustion of dealing with their chaotic friends.  
“Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?” Lily smiles and settles into her friends’ embraces comfortably, but a hint of sadness lingers. Sirius knows it all too well from their own experiences; the way you mourned for the lost relationship even when you knew the other person didn’t deserve you. They silently squeeze Lily’s hand, and she squeezes back, and they know she understands what they’re trying to say.  
The group dozes off one by one not much later, lulled to sleep by the combined warmth of the hot chocolate, the blanket fort, and the presence of friends who have become family. Sirius falls asleep at last and is struck once again by how lucky they are to have found these people.

The first full moon of the year is a week later. By now, they’ve worked out a routine that makes it the most bearable for their friend. But they can tell it still hurts her, not just physically, but emotionally, too. When they return to their dorms in the early morning hours, Sirius can’t fall asleep. They listen into the silence of the room and hear Rem’s quiet, fast breathing. They know she isn’t sleeping, and they can’t stand not knowing what to do. After pondering over it for what feels like hours, they quietly slip out of their bed and approach their friend’s. At the very least they can offer some comfort, if nothing more. They extend their hand to Moony’s, almost like a question, and she grasps it tightly like the answer is “Please,” and so Sirius carefully climbs into bed next to her and holds her tightly.  
Sirius wakes up a couple hours later, still holding their friend’s hand. They slowly disentangle themselves and get up. A glance at their watch tells them that it’s 7am, a time normally much too early for them, but they feel wide awake, their thoughts obsessed with the feel of Rem’s hand in theirs, and the sound of her soft breathing. Falling back asleep was impossible and so, gathering their cloak around themselves, they head out of the dorm, past the common room, and walk up to the owlery. The fresh air and sound sleepy owls helps clear their head and the thoughts running through. Sirius gets out a quill and paper, and rewrites their list for Rem, rewrites the letter, rewrites the words they didn’t know how to say before.

> My dearest Moony,  
>  Per your request, I have compiled some names I believe would suit you. But I know you’re a smart girl with a good sense of self, when you’re not being self-deprecating, so I have all the confidence that you’ll find your true name soon enough. I have faith in you.  
>  I have a few star and constellation related names, because I think it would be adorable if your name matched mine, and they’re beautiful yet unattainable (just like you). Carina is one, it’s the constellation that contains the (second) brightest star in the galaxy (sorry, the brightest must always belong to myself). It contains unmeasurable light, like you and your kindness. There’s also Lyra, Norma, Aurora, Pandora, Nova, and Seren. They’re just names I think are pretty. And moon related names because, well, Moony: Luna, or Amaris. My final pitches are Elanor, which is apparently a cool flower from a Muggle book you like (Lily mentioned this, so technically it’s her idea, but I’m claiming it), and Rieka or Rica. I found that one in a book on Germanic folklore, and it means “power of the wolf” or “power of the home” which is just a perfect summary of you. The wolf is obvious but, Moony, you are home to me. You’re like autumn rain and cozy sweaters in the common room, or like corn fields and roasted marshmallows and throwing James in the river in the summer. You’re so bright, and you don’t even know it, but you blind me sometimes.  
>  Anyways, this is a very long-winded way of suggesting names, but you know me, I’m a Black.  
>  With all the love,  
>  your friend, Sirius “Padfoot” Black

When they return to their dorm, Rem is still asleep curled under her blankets with a peaceful expression on her face. Sirius looks at her for a moment, then places the letter in a book on their nightstand, and goes back to sleep in their bed.

A few days later, Sirius and Rem are in the astronomy tower, revising for their upcoming astronomy test. Neither James or Peter are taking this class, so it’s the least eventful out of all their classes, but secretly Sirius enjoys having something that is only between them and Rem.  
They’re quietly working on star charts, occasionally asking the other a question or pointing out something they have missed, when Rem suddenly puts her pen down with force.  
“I like Rieka.” She says matter-of-factly.  
Sirius’s head jerks up from their star chart. “You...you saw my list?”  
“Yeah. You didn’t exactly hide it,” She looks at them. “I think I’ll leave the stars to you.”  
“Oh. Right. Um, well, Rieka was actually...is one of my favourites. I think it suits you.”  
“Thank you. I gathered.” She cocks her head at them curiously, giving them a searching look. “I have a question.”  
“A question?”  
“Say something to me, with...with that name. I wanna see if it fits.”  
“That’s your question.”  
“No, but...just do it, Sirius.” She looks them in the eyes. “Please.”  
“Uh, okay, I…” Suddenly all words seem to be gone from their mind, swallowed up by their friend’s look. They wonder if she understood the meaning of the letter, between the lines. They wonder if she understands that “you feel like home” means “I love you more than anything,” if she understands that Sirius can’t stop loving her even if they tried because she has become a part of them, as if she always had been. Now, their heart is pounding. The words they have so carefully arranged in their mind so many times escape them. All they understand is the overwhelming feeling coming up their throat and threatening to pour out of their mouth. The fierce yet gentle love, the…  
“I love you, Rieka.”  
Silence follows, until Sirius realises what they had said.  
“I mean…I...Oh, Gods, I...I’m sorry!” They sit up abruptly, the star chart completely forgotten about. “That...I didn’t mean to say that.”  
“Sirius,” She holds their hands firmly. “I know. I’ve read your...list. Your letter. I...I was trying to tell you I feel the same...in a subtle way. Evidently that backfired.” She smiles, and looks at them. It feels different now, a questioning look instead of a searching one. Like she was asking a question but doesn’t know how to.  
“Did you mean it?” She asks quietly after a long silence.  
Sirius hesitates. Rieka is offering them a chance to go back and pretend this never happened, but what would happen if they did? They’re not known for being a liar, or someone who says things they don’t mean.  
“Yeah. Of course I did. I...you’re everything to me. If…” They sigh. “You make me forget everything else. You’re…”  
They don’t get to finish their sentence before Rieka kisses them. Caught by surprise, the kiss is messy at first, but Sirius doesn’t waste much time staying surprised. It seems endless, and they wish it could be, but eventually they separate.  
“Well,” Rieka clears her throat. “That was somehow better than I imagined.”  
“Oh, don’t act so surprised. I’m a master of love, you know.” Sirius grins at her in a way they hope is at least a little bit seductive and very mischievous.  
But Rieka only laughs. “Sure.”  
Sirius frowns in faked hurt, but they’re relieved at their casual banter. It’s familiar enough to soothe the rising anxiety in their stomach.  
“We should probably get back, it’s getting late. I don’t fancy getting caught by Filch or Mrs. Norris.”  
“Oh fuck no, I don’t want this evening ruined.” Sirius begins gathering up their scattered charts and papers. As they’re walking back to the Gryffindor common room, Rieka grabs their hand like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And it is.  
When they get back, they’re met by grins and a chorus of “I knew it!”s. Money exchanges hands as Lily and Dorcas proudly proclaim to be the only ones who had guessed both the time and the place of the love confession correctly. They do get chased around the common room by Sirius, but they’re not mad at their friends. It’s how their group works, and they wouldn’t trade them for the world. Despite everything, they have more love in their life than most people, and it’s something they never stop being grateful for. Even more so now, they think, looking at their former friend, now girlfriend, and marveling at how lucky they are.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jordnhollis) i'm funny sometimes  
> also if ur into LoTR i recently wrote a lovely samfrodo coffee shop/florist au fic <3
> 
> thank you to Maura for proofreading!!!! ur a star <3


End file.
